16 January 2010

Bin Laden Found!

Last night, I was watching the evening news on Spanish TV1 and there was a news item about how the FBI had released digitally enhanced photos of bin Laden, as the Times put it: "showing how he might look today; one in his traditional outfit, the other showing him with trimmed beard and Western clothing."

 Here is the Spanish news report:



Well, imagine my surprise when I saw the photo of how he might look today with the beard shaved off. "I know that guy!" I said to my wife. "So that's where he's been hiding all this time. Its Gaspar Llamazares!"

Gaspar Llamazares is the IU left wing Spanish deputy and ex leader.

As the Telegraph reported:

"Using sophisticated digital enhancement techniques, forensic artists at the FBI’s laboratory in Quantico, Virginia have age progressed old photos of the 18 most wanted terrorist suspects.
"It is our hope that these digitally enhanced images will help someone recognise these terrorist suspects and then contact the Rewards for Justice program with information that leads to their apprehension," said Robert Eckert, assistant director for Diplomatic Security’s Threat Information and Analysis Directorate, which oversees the Rewards for Justice program.
"These new images are powerful examples of how advances in technology and science can be used to help find and bring to justice wanted persons,” said Louis E. Grever, Executive Assistant Director for the FBI's Science and Technology Branch.
“The FBI has and will continue to apply cutting-edge forensic, biometric, and technical capabilities to our most challenging cases. Together with our many partners, both here and abroad, we now call on the public to help us locate and take into custody those who threaten us," he added."

Dicho y hecho as we say in Spain - said and done. My e.mail was sent off to the FBI:

"I know where bin Laden is, thanks to your new digitally enhanced photos. He's going under an assumed name and living in Spain. He has managed to work himself into a Spanish political party and is representing the damn Commies. His new name is Gaspar LLamazares ex leader of the IU party.

I claim my $25 million reward.

Imagine my disappointment when I found out the "sophisticated digital enhancement techniques", "advances in technology and science" and "cutting-edge forensic, biometric, and technical capabilities" are in fact a bit of photo-shopping of a pic from Google Images!

  (the guy on the right is Llamazares)

Llamazares thought the whole thing was a joke at first, but when he realised it wasn't he started to take it seriously because, 'FBI errors affect citizens' security'. Llamazares also commented on the piss 'poor standards of US intelligence agencies'...

Llamazares has now said he wouldn't deam of traveling to the US again as he fears he could suffer "difficulties". In commentaries to Spanish National Radio (RNE) he said "La seguridad de Bin Laden no peligra, la mía sí" - "Bin Laden's security isn't in danger, mine is"

Llamazares was most probably thinking "Of all the faces in all the world and they have to use mine!"

Or as Cayo Lara actual leader of IU said:

'Of 6 billion inhabitants on this planet, and they had to choose Llamazares' photo to use as part of a new portrait of the most wanted terrorist in the world'
("Entre 6.000 millones habitantes que tiene el planeta, han tenido que elegir la fotografía de Llamazares para formar parte del retrato del terrorista más buscado del mundo".)

Stop Press:

Could it actually be Spanish TV chef Karlos Arguiñano??

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